


Was this always our destination?

by Thatmediocrewriter



Series: Twisted hearts and Broken things [1]
Category: Gotham (TV)
Genre: F/M, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Mental Instability, Mutilation, Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-16
Updated: 2019-03-16
Packaged: 2019-11-20 11:20:53
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,528
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18125339
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Thatmediocrewriter/pseuds/Thatmediocrewriter
Summary: Blaire moved to Haley's with her mother and Brother for a new life, it was exactly what they got but at what cost?





	Was this always our destination?

_It was incredible_

The lights, the noise and the laughter. Haley’s circus was a dream come true for the thirteen-year-old Blaire, walking with her hand gripping too tightly onto her mothers hand the young girl looked up at the big top with shining eyes.

“Careful B you’re gonna crush mama’s hand.”

Giggling at her brother the brunette loosened her grip slightly only to feel her mothers hand squeeze back, an instinctual warning not to stray from the portly woman. Grabbing her older brother’s hand as well the young girl started to tug impatiently at them both.

“C’mon we’re gonna miss the show!”

With an indulgent smile the woman looked down at her young daughter, keeping the slow pace despite the young girls tugging.

“Calm down, we’ve got all the time in the world. Or did you forget?”

Oh but of course not. The excited butterflies once again filled the little girl’s stomach at the thought. Of course, they would have all the time in the world, they were going to live here after all!

-

_It was confusing_

Sitting in the communal tent eating her dinner Blaire stared at the red head sitting by himself. It was like he had some kind of force field around him, nobody seemed to come within a certain distance of him. She nudged her brother’s side, motioning towards the strange sight before her. Two pairs of brown eyes stared for a few seconds before the young girl leaned in, whispering to her sibling as if afraid the object of their staring could hear them.

“Why is he all by himself? Isn’t it rude to just ignore people?”

The older boy took a few seconds to answer back, it was strange to see someone so young being not only ignored but all out avoided by a room full of adults.

“Sometimes people prefer to be by themselves and we have to respect that.”

Blaire looked back over at the young boy with a small frown on her face, it didn’t make much sense to her. She couldn’t imagine not wanting to be around mama and Lewis all the time but her brother was sixteen, he knew these things better than her. Her eyes widened as the boy suddenly looked up at her, clearly sensing he was being watched. Swallowing down the urge to hide behind her brother, she waved shyly at the boy, he may not like talking to people but it would be rude to just look away after staring.

After a few surprised beats the young boy waved back, a small smile tugging on his lips. Blaire bounced in her seat happily not really sure why she was so excited to have gotten the red heads attention.

-

_It was magnificent_

Staring at the tightrope walkers as they practiced the brunette couldn’t help but gape, how they practically glided across the thin rope. They swayed and bounced but never stumbled, never fell, it was like they were gliding through the air. Blaire wanted to know what it was like, to be so high above everyone else, to have such grace while doing so.

Blaire wanted to know what it was like to experience such _exhilaration._

-

_It was heart-breaking_

Blaire was walking back with a basket of now clean clothes at her hip, it was one of her families many duties as general stage hands. The dreaded weekly wash, so many clothes and so little time to clean them. She was busy grumbling to herself about the hardship when she stopped dead in her tracks, there in the dark corner between caravans was that red-haired boy. It could have been easily missed but she’d always been one to notice the small details in her surroundings, nothing could get past her and it was something she prided herself on.

Moving closer she felt uneasy, something didn’t seem right about the situation. She’d seen the young boy about, he was hard to miss in a crowed and in the last year spent at the circus a shock of red hair was a familiar sight to her. He was quiet but never so eerily still, never so closed off. Clearing her throat, she gasped as he moved his face to look at her, even half covered by shadow Blaire could still see the large bruise covering his right eye as well as the blood running down his face from what seemed to be a gash on his forehead. Without thinking she moved, worry and anger on the boy’s behalf shining in her eyes. With a voice far stronger and demanding than one would expect from a fourteen-year-old she demanded to know who did this, because there was no way this was an accident, she had seen wounds like this before. She shrugged the memory that threatened to resurface away, she needed to focus on right now.

“What does it matter? Just scram.”

No that wasn’t right, he should be angry, he should be crying and raging about this he shouldn’t sound so resigned and tired. With newfound determination she grabbed his hand not giving him the chance to protest.

“No we’re going to clean you up then I’m going to make you a cup of tea then I’m going to find who did this to you and give them a piece of my mind.”

Blaire didn’t see the amused turn of the others lips nor did she see the almost fond look in the others eyes. All she could focus on was getting the older boy to mama and making everything okay.

-

The brunette smiled as she sat the kitchen counter, of course as soon as she had brought the boy in, _he was called Jerome she had learned_ , her mama and brother had taken action immediately. Grabbing the first aid kit and fussing over the frankly shocked looking boy, Blaire just sat waiting for the kettle to boil. It was all a bit of a blur to be honest, there was quiet questions and mumbled replies. Her mama looked horrified at one point. There were more quiet words mumbling between Lewis and the older woman. Blaire could make out the words ‘Lila’ ‘Can’t believe’ and ‘His own mother!’. It was enough for the silent girl to put the pieces together, she wasn’t stupid.

Grabbing the now whistling kettle off of the stove Blaire had to stop her hand from shaking as she made the tea. She didn’t know why she felt a sudden pang of…something, an intense heat that seemed to engulf her body in rage, something that made her feel like she was about to burst.

The young girl learned a lot that night and as she stared at the now sleeping Jerome curled up on the pull out bed she realised that maybe the world was even darker than she first thought, maybe it was time for her brother and mother to stop shielding her from it.

-

_It was sickening_

Blaire stared down at the dying bird, she had heard a thump and had ran outside only to see the poor twitching creature laying just below the caravan window. She did nothing but swallow thickly and stare willing back tears, she needed to adjust to the harsh realities of life otherwise how could she help anyone. She didn’t know how long she stood there staring but a familiar voice invaded the darkness she let surround her in that moment.

“B, watch’ya doing?”

Jerome, he had become a regular sight around the Duncan residents since six months ago. Saying nothing the young girl only gestured towards the dying animal, a small ‘huh’ came from beside her as the fifteen-year-old joined her. A few moments of silence followed before Jerome spoke again.

“We shouldn’t let it suffer y’know, isn’t right.”

Before she could reply a booted foot slammed down onto the poor creature, a sickening squelch was followed by the sound of Blaire’s back slamming against the caravan as she brought a hand up to cover her horrified gasp. She looked at Jerome as he nonchalantly wiped his boot clean on the grass.

“Broken things, it’s better to just put them out of their misery.”

The young girl just nodded staring into those dark glazed over eyes. The older boy moved them back towards the caravan door. The hand that landed on her shaking shoulders was just a little bit too tight and the muttered words of ‘It’s better that way’ was just a little bit too dark as the door shut behind them.

-

_It was heart-warming_

Blaire covered her face pretending to be embarrassed as everyone around her sang happy birthday, a small cake covered in candles was set in front of her as she closed her eyes and blew them out. “Well what’d you wish for?” She smirked at her brother replying.

“To never hear you guys sing again.”

Lewis scoffed ruffling her hair as he spoke to the red head seated opposite to her.

“You hear that Jerome? She thinks cus she’s fifteen now she can be a snarky little shit!”

She batted the hand on her hair away the same time the familiar light admonishment of ‘language!’ was heard from her mother.

“C’mon Lewis she’s a big girl now, gotta let her have a bit of attitude.”

She smiled over at the other boy, unadulterated delight suddenly filling her at the sight of him laughing and grinning. Jerome had been doing that a lot more now, laughing and joking with all of them, it set something warm and glowing off in her chest. Blaire didn't know when exactly it happened but the red head had become a permanent fixture in all the Duncan’s’ lives.

Looking around at everyone Blaire let it all sink in, her mother fussing over cutting the cake as Jerome and Lewis bickered. Elbows clanking together in the too cramped space of her mobile home she smiled, Blaire smiled because no matter what came before this was her own imperfect slice of heaven.

-

_It was infuriating_

Sitting up on the hill was Blaire’s favourite thing to do when the circus came to Gotham, she could see the whole fair ground and the people milling about. It was something of a tradition now for her and Jerome to sit up here and hang out after all their duties were done. Currently the brunette was making a fool of herself, snorting and giggling as Jerome regaled the tail of his latest prank, he was just getting to a good bit about what he did with elephant dung and a very dirty angry clown when they were interrupted, looking over as a voice rang out in the darkness.

“Look who it is, Jerome and his girlfriend tubs.”

Blaire instinctively looked down at her stomach, it was somewhat of a sore spot for her recently, while the other girls had started to slim and grow as puberty hit the young girl was still waiting for it to hit her. Despite the slight shame that washed over her at the jab she still got up glaring at who interrupted her and Jerome, one of the Greyson’s by the looks of it. The younger ones in the family always seemed to come for her.

“Fuck off, no one wants you here asshole.”

She twitched slightly at the condescending ‘Ooo’ that left the others mouth at her reply.

“Blaire’s using grown up words now. What you gonna do next beat me up? Is that how he got that shiner?”

She followed the pointing finger, the rage increasing tenfold. The abuse that Jerome went through was a sore subject for all her family, mostly because there was nothing they could really do but comfort and fix Jerome up after everything was said and done. Blaire could see the murderous intent in Jerome’s eyes and she could start to feel it too, the injustice of it all too much. That someone could be put through so much and have it used against them, what kind of monster did that? What kind of pathetic, low life-

Before she could think anymore her rage took over, barrelling into the older boy the previous weight he had mocked being used to her advantage as he fell to the ground. Its blurry after that, fists flying, panicked yells as she lay into the other boy and she thinks somewhere in the background delighted laughter.

-

She was on the ground, she must have been pushed off and the Greyson must have ran away because he was nowhere in sight. Shaking Blaire was shaking, an energy thrumming through her that she had never felt before, it was the same kind of energy she always imagined walking along a tight rope would be like.

 _Exhilarating_ a breathy voice said in the back of her head. She didn’t have long to ponder this epiphany as she was hauled up to her feet by an equally shaky Jerome, a mad grin had taken over his face. Blaire didn’t know why she felt so unnerved by it.

“Oh B, you are fascinating.”

Before she could question the statement further a rough kiss was pressed to her cheek, a flush crawled up her face at the action, the only time she’d been kissed was by her mother. She didn’t say anything just looked down, her own softer grin overtaking her face. A small sense of satisfaction filling her at getting some justice, yes that’s what that was _justice_.

She couldn’t help but join Jerome in his laughter.

So there they stood, two dark figures leaning on each other, laughing into the night sky.

-

_It took her breath away_

It was inevitable, this chapter in her life was never meant to last. It was a pitstop in the road to bigger and better things. Lewis wanted to go to college, it would be a waste not to, his sharp mind needed more than just menial circus tasks. Mama as well was getting tired of moving around constantly as well and Blaire? Well she needed something more as well, she was sixteen now she needed to think of her future, a position in law enforcement was calling out to her and she couldn’t fulfil those dreams in Haley’s.

It should have been so easy, people come and go from the circus all the time and it would have if it weren’t for one red headed factor. She felt like she was abandoning Jerome, over three years he had snuck his way into their little family and ingrained himself on all of their hearts. That sad little boy who they had patched up and doted on.

The time had finally come, in the end they had all decided on shacking up in Gotham, the place was affordable and they didn’t exactly have cash to spare. The circus had finally arrived at the city and they would be leaving any day now, it was time to tell Jerome. Sitting here now, on their favourite hill, a bottle of whisky between them Blaire tried to pluck up the courage to tell her best friend the news. God but it was hard, to see his grin the way it lit up his eyes and sent such a surge of fondness through her that it physically hurt.

Taking another gulp of whisky Blaire slammed it down, placing her hand on the others as he reached for the bottle, stopping the movement. Gently she started to speak.

“Jerome, did I ever tell you how my family ended up at Haley’s?”

At his confused head shake she continued, the liquid courage of the whisky spurring her on.

“We didn’t exactly have a happy life before, my father he-he wasn’t exactly the nicest man. Mama and Lewis always tried to shield me from the worst of it but I wasn’t stupid, I knew what was going on. The way mama would always have a new bruise on her face when he came home angry or-“

Blaire ran a hand through her hair sighing, no she was rambling she had to get to the point.

“The point is we ran away, we had nowhere to go and this circus gave us a chance to get back on our feet.”

She paused gauging the others reaction, there was a frown on his face and sad tinge to it and a dark glint in his eye. God he was too perceptive for his own good. She couldn’t bare to look any longer, she looked down at her ragged finger nails instead continuing.

“But we’re better now and we need something more stable. Y-you understand what I’m saying Jerome?”

She didn’t dare look, just continued to stare down. The low chuckle came as a surprise, it was nothing like she’d heard before so much hurt in one single noise. It made her flinch.

“So you’re leaving me.”

The monotony in his voice, the defeat, it brought her back to the day she’d first talked to him. She felt desperation wriggle it’s way up her throat. Shooting up from her slumped position she exclaimed.

“No! No don’t ever think that.”

She took his hands in hers, practically pleading with him to understand.

“Jerome we love you, I love you. A-and you can save up some money and maybe the next time the circus is in town you can move in with us it’s just right now we need to settle but when we do you can-“

The hand that clamped down on her mouth hurt, Jerome’s nails digging into her cheek with how tight the grip was.

“Say it again.”

It was like a hiss, it sent a shiver down her spine her body screaming that danger was near. But Blaire understood, once the hand was removed, she repeated the sentiment, a shaky but no less sincere ‘I love you’ leaving her lips.

“Tell me you need me, that you’ll never forget me.”

She repeated it, warily watching as Jerome reached in his back pocket removing something. As it flicked open it became abundantly clear what it was.

“J-Jerome what are you?-“

She was silenced by that hand again, she felt fear mixed with something so much more pleasant spike through her at his almost silent whisper.

“Take off your shirt.”

She removed it after a moment’s hesitation, Blaire wanted so badly to make things right, to make sure she left without her best friend hating her. She would do anything for him at that moment. Shivering slightly as her sports bra was revealed Blaire looked up to see that the red head had done the same his bare torso on display, she may have even taken time to appreciate it if it weren’t for the switch blade in his hand. Gently, too gently for the situation, a pale hand was placed on her shoulder.

“Don’t scream.”

It was the only warning she got before she was pushed down and the weight of the others body pressed down on her pelvis as she was straddled. She managed not to scream even tried not to squirm as the knife was brought down on her chest, right where her heart was.

“Ya gotta stop breathing so hard, this needs to be perfect.”

She tried, god she tried but the stinging as the blade dragged across her skin was too much. Blaire didn’t know how long it took just that when Jerome was done, he let out a satisfied sigh, staring down at whatever he’d carved with a look of reverence. Looking down herself Blaire saw through the blood, thin lines creating the initial ‘JV’. She couldn’t fathom what she was feeling in that moment, all she knew was that it practically choked her. Something about it felt so wrong, horrifyingly wrong but then another smaller part felt so horrifyingly right.

Feeling the heavy weight of the blade in her hand Blaire stared at Jerome’s grinning face, a delighted almost childish voice left his lips. “Me next.”

-

They’d made a life for themselves in Gotham, her brother was doing great he was acing every class he was in, he was going places. Equally Blaire was excelling in her first year in the police academy, the youngest there at seventeen and she was the top of her class. Life couldn’t have been going better.

Still it was at times like these that guilt would eat at her, staring in the bathroom mirror at the small scar on her chest. It was times like these that she would remember the sad broken boy that they had left behind at Haley’s. How he had gripped her to him so tightly when she was done carving her own little masterpiece, saying nothing just holding Blaire like she would disappear if he let go. There had been something so desperate in that moment, so dangerous.

Perhaps she should have known then, perhaps she had. Maybe all of it could have been avoided if they’d stayed, or better yet taken him away from it all. A hand clapped over her mouth as the headline she’d seen this morning flashed before her once again, a broken giggle leaving her lips.

**Circus boy murders mother**

It was wrong, it was tragic.

_It was inevitable._

**Author's Note:**

> So this is probably the longest fic I've ever written published or unpublished. I have a whole storyline planned in my head but I don't know if I will actually do it or leave this as a oneshot as I'm not sure if the storyline is just a bit too out there. I hope you enjoyed the fic as I really enjoyed writing it. Sorry for its mediocrity but it's kinda in my account name so what else do ya expect? Haha


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